Dawn Potter
Dreamy as Tarzan, the years murmur
Dreamy as Tarzan, the years murmur
their old tune as we stride away from them
into our spotlit lives. Like fathers, they armor
themselves against loss, hawking
phlegm
into coffee cans, scratching their
scaly pates,
though a Nehi odor lingers in their cough,
faint as sour cream. Behind their rusty agate
stare slides a slow-rolling map of
sloughed-
off days along the river. Scabby
grapevines
grip the porch rails, courting light. A peahen
chitters in the weeds, and on the clothesline
the half-yellowed shirts of
sweating men
sag like idle hands. The years hum our quavered names.
We clench our fists: panicked, ruthless, dumb, ashamed.
[from Same Old Story (CavanKerry Press, 2014)]
***
Baron Wormser tells me that he is planning to use "The Years" as a prompt poem in a workshop, and I keep wondering exactly what his writing prompt will be. I know he'd tell me if I asked, but for the moment I'm enjoying the curious sensation of pretending that I'm an outside observer of my own poem. What would you take as a writing prompt from this sonnet? I am having trouble thinking of anything at all . . . mostly because all I can focus on is what prompted me to write it in the first place: reading Woolf's The Years, reading Ford's The Sportswriter, copying out all of Shakespeare's sonnets, remembering my great uncles sitting in the grass on a Pennsylvania hill in the twilight, meditatively spitting chaw juice into old dog-food cans. . . .
7 comments:
I can think of two ways I might approach the "prompt" for this poem (although that feels kind of weird!):
One way would be to really focus on textures in a static scene
Another would be a bit more whimsical, wondering what the tune is for a similar scene in your own mind
Either way, this is a poem I really want to use for dictation in class, too...it is so rich!
I read it as a wonderful comment on refusing to accept getting old.
"...it is so rich"--I agree completely, Carlene: "hawking phlegm//into coffee cans"; "a slow-rolling map of sloughed-//
off days along the river"; and that wonderful closing: "panicked, ruthless, dumb, ashamed." Beautifully done, Dawn. (Although sorry, no guesses/suggestions about a prompt. Probably rich pickings in there, though.)
Maureen, I agree, I read it that way too. Interesting to read it with the line breaks and then without them when you click on Click on Original Post!!! Now I am wondering how that changes every so many poems. Oh dear, I should probably take a nap now.
I have a suggested writing prompt. I don't know if it makes any sense to anyone else, but I've begun!!!
will that would be me!!! oops
Well......what can I say........
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