Somewhere, buried in the attic, is my fifth-grade paper about Amy Lowell, and I have been hunting under snowshoes and behind Christmas decorations and in between boxes of summer clothes and forgotten dog toys, but I cannot find it anywhere. I feel very disappointed. My report has a beautiful pink construction-paper covered decorated with "fancy" transcriptions of Lowell poems, which is to say it's the sort of item no one would want to misplace. I'd a million times rather reread my fifth-grade paper about Amy Lowell than anything I wrote in college.

But no such luck. All I'm stuck with is two plastic binders of college papers and no construction-paper art. I did find some report cards, however.

According to my 1979 Differential Aptitude Test (age 15), I was off-the-charts great at spelling but had wonky spacial relations and clerical skills. How did they measure clerical skills? Did we have to file something?

In 1970 (age 5), I was "a sweet little girl," "an asset to [my] class," and "above grade level." I guess I didn't have to file anything that year. I like those old days when you could get a good grade for sweetness.

In 1972 (age 7), I discovered that I was "very much the perfectionist and aim[ed] so hard to please. A bit of easing up on this would be good for [me]."

In 1973 (age 8), I merely learned that "[my] progress in math has been commendable"--clearly one of those coded remarks that translates as "for a chunk of this year she was strangely incompetent."

This is reinforced by the remark in 1975 (age 10): "Dawn is unsure of long division at present."

By the time I got to middle and high school, teachers were enjoying the ease of automatic computerized comments. I received many "Has flair for the subject" commendations, as long as the subject was English or history. I was also frequently "Quiet and attentive," and once, in gym class, I "Showed sincere effort." I'm sorry to say, however, that in biology I had "Work missing" and was told I could have "Improved with more effort," although the teacher did admit that I was "Cooperative" and "Conscientious," encomiums that are difficult to reconcile with the missing work issue. In art I had a "Good studio attitude," whatever that means.

But while all of this is interesting, I still wish I could find my Amy Lowell report. I'm sure it would reveal the real me.