Bring to a boil a large pot of water with a handful of thyme, a few dried hot peppers, and a bay leaf. Drop in two whole chicken legs, reduce the boil to a simmer, and cook the legs for 45 minutes. Then remove the legs and let them sit at room temperature until they don't burn your hands. In the meantime, pour the leftover boiling water over the patch of poison ivy you're trying to kill.
In a large salad bowl, measure out 1 cup of couscous. Sprinkle it thriftily with saffron threads, and pour on 2 cups of boiling water. Stir, and let the mixture sit until the couscous has absorbed all the water.
Pick the chicken meat off the bones, and tear the chunks into bite-sized pieces. Add them to the salad bowl, along with whatever stuff you can find in your garden. For instance, after hiding the bones from the dog, you might add sliced radishes, sliced green onions, chopped garlic scapes (those pointy white flowers that curl up from garlic plants), half a jar of capers (not from the garden, but salty-sour is good with chicken), and a whole lot of chopped parsley.
Judiciously add kosher salt. Recklessly grind on the black peppercorns. Pour in some extra-virgin olive oil and a splash of white-wine vinegar. Mix with enthusiasm, and serve the salad over fresh arugula and spinach leaves (from which all caterpillars have been removed), alongside hot sourdough bread and watermelon balls.
Candlelight is important because the power is bound to go out during the massive thunderstorm. Later you can eat strawberry tart and listen to the Red Sox on the crank radio.