Today is the day I can the sauerkraut that's been fermenting on my counter, administer a second dose of brandy to the Dickinson black cake, and finally get around to watching Fitzcarraldo.

Or it's the day I decide that the sauerkraut needs to ferment for another week, forget to brandy up the black cake, and get dragged to Skowhegan to sit through Unstoppable, a movie whose trailer hints that I will be required to squirm through 2 hours of watching handsome leading men hang death-defyingly off the side of a speeding train as the soundtrack bellows, "Whumpf!" to accompany sudden dramatic camera action. Where is Buster Keaton when I need him?