After my class yesterday morning, T needed to run over to his job site and pick up some tools for his cupboard-door project. So I came along, and we took a side trip to one of the walking trails that wind along the Cape Elizabeth salt marshes--flat blue ponds among golden sedge; egrets, dazzling in their white plumage, peering up from solitary meals; low-tide odors shimmering in the brackish creek beds.
How I love marshes and bogs . . . water, sky, land entwined.
*
Now it's 37 degrees outside, a sharp, dark Sunday morning, a small wind scented with leafmeal and salt. I got nothing done in the garden yesterday afternoon, other than harvesting for dinner. I made a risotto last night: garlic, fennel, and hen-of-the-woods mushrooms sautéed with chopped ruby-red chard; then arborio rice stirred in, and ladles of hot Cornish hen broth, and finally parmesan. The red stems of the chard stained the rice a pale pink, so it was beautiful on the plate beside a spoonful of cranberry relish and a few slices of crisp kohlrabi. I was thinking as I cooked that a vegan version would be equally good: vegetable broth and a fillip of sharp olive oil before serving, to replace the cheese.
I'm up early today, but I have been sleeping through the night, which has greatly improved my state of mind. Today I'll putter among the garden chores I didn't do yesterday. I might drive down to the waterfront and investigate the offerings at the fish market. I'll keep reading Best American Short Stories, and I'll enjoy opening and closing the kitchen-cupboard doors, with their freshly installed knobs. (For the past few weeks we've been opening them by way of temporary tabs made of painter's tape: utilitarian but unpleasant.)
For now, though, I'll linger in front of the new wood fire that snaps and leaps in the stove. I'm drinking a luxurious second cup of black coffee. T is still asleep, the cat has just stalked up the stairs to join him, and I am gratefully untethered from clocks and schedules. Sunday stretches before me--a long slow amble, a bright carpet unrolling.
*
All of this quiet contentment is endangered, of course. The presidential election is a thousand-pound weight dangling over our frail skulls. Maine will likely swing Democratic. Certainly my district will, so in that sense my vote hardly matters. Yet I rushed out to vote early; trembling with urgency and desperation, I thrust my ballot into the box: "Here it is!" my inner voice shouted. "Quick, count me, count me!"
What else can we do, except beg to be counted?
*
London, 1802
William Wordsworth
Milton! thou should’st be living at this hour:
England hath need of thee: she is a fen
Of stagnant waters: altar, sword and pen,
Fireside, the heroic wealth of hall and bower,
Have forfeited their ancient English dower
Of inward happiness. We are selfish men;
Oh! raise us up, return to us again;
And give us manners, virtue, freedom, power.
Thy soul was like a star and dwelt apart:
Thou hadst a voice whose sound was like the sea;
Pure as the naked heavens, majestic, free,
So didst thou travel on life’s common way,
In cheerful godliness; and yet thy heart
The lowliest duties on itself did lay.
O Dawn, I feel the impending doom strangling my throat and cutting off my air, too. And that poem, yes yes yes.
ReplyDeleteI don't carry as much daily bodily anxiety as you do. When I disable the news feeds, I am able to immerse myself in the sensuous, present-day world. The media is a coil of repetitive fear-shouting--all of them, including Cox Richardson and other liberal voices. Right now their coil does me only harm. I learn nothing I don't already know. All I can manage now is to look around and me and say, This is what I love. This, right here, right now, is what I love. That feels like my only power. So I'm wielding it. If the ghouls take away joy, they win. I refuse to relinquish it.
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